iDating: Breaking the Code

Article by Fatou of Cinch Writing

Article by Fatou of Cinch Writing

Dating in your 30s is very different from your 20s. Firstly you know what you don’t want, and trust me, your experiences over the years make this crystal clear. You also come to the realisation that you are now less romantic and more practical. You know all you need is not just love. It has to be mixed with reliability + a sense of security, kindness and fortitude. Anything else positive thrown in the mix is a bonus. Lastly, over the years your shallow indexation has greatly reduced, you find yourself being attracted to a plethora of men. Equal opportunities rule, this is a good thing. What you are not sure about is if it’s biological because your ovaries and leading your brain or you are just a better person. You settle for the latter. A more cynical person will say that you’ve reached the point of not caring, he just needs to be sane and normal and have a job. Ignore them; we all have problems, let them be cynical. What you need is not Adonis but a good man. Welcome to the grown up square, less mills and boons more this is your life.

So here you are looking for more than love and a dwindling list of requirements. You don’t want the passion of Romeo and Juliet; look at what happened to them! You want nirvana, happiness, walks on the beach, to be able to pay the bills, lazy morning cuddles, laughing at inappropriate jokes together. You want normal, normal is so darn sexy to you right now. You have done the getting out there, everyone of your friends and family are setting you up and eventually you know the inevitable is going to happen. You sign up to online dating, with modern dating rules you have never seen or heard of before. The old dating rules you use to play with are now older than the nokia 3210. You have no clue want to do. You dive in head first. Anything worth doing must be done with complete commitment. When you tried to be sexy, it came across as slutty, which let me tell you ladies and gents, attracts all heinous kinds of inappropriate attention. Then you went to the extreme and became serious, no dates, not even winks from the man who had been winking at you incessantly online. You finally find your middle ground. Your Zen place. You feel ready, this has to work. It’s the final frontier. No retreat, no surrender.

You pick through the big shopping wall of the dating sites hoping the person you winked at will wink back. This is new to you, winking, with a button instead of saying hi, but rules are rules. When the man you winked at winks back, you are so excited you want to pee (old age). Then comes the date, you spend a whole day planning your date outfit, you even practice walking on those heels because he is six foot two and you are a meagre five foot five. The day arrives, you get to the restaurant on time, he is a little late, you don’t mind waiting; gives you time to calm your nerves a bit. He arrives and you don’t recognise him, he is barely five foot five. Unfazed, you take a deep breath, game face on, smile and walk up to him. Towering over him at five foot eight and a half (the half counts!), wearing heels which are now threatening to sever your toes, he leads you to your table.

At dinner, you actually start enjoying the date because he is funny and witty and charming. You secretly forgive him for adding all those inches to his height. The night ends on a good note, well so you think, you gave him a hug and a peck on the cheek. But he is expecting more than a peck, he wants more, invites you to his place. You decline; he looks a bit peeved off, you are a bit surprised, this was going so well. He tells you that he just bought you dinner, what’s wrong with having a night cap with him. You are so glad you are standing in the middle of Kingcross station; he can’t drag you home even if he wanted to. Too many witnesses. Read rest of article here

Editor’s Note: It’s no secret us here at Chaud love Swoozie and here’s his ‘