Social media is a treasure trove of self-love quotes, images, and visuals. Let social media tell it, and self-love looks like this: Spa dates, bubble baths, retail therapy, vacation, and pampering. All of which I am here for – I’d indulge in any of the above at any given time (okay, okay, I’m more of a scalding shower type of girl but there is something undeniably serene – and sensual–about baths). Social media often portrays self-love as a mix of self-care and self-indulgence. While it gets some things right (hello, Humans of NY? ‘Very demure, very mindful’, anyone?), it also misses the mark in big ways (seriously, when will we be free from endless relationship podcasts?). This version of self-love is as far from reality as the Christmas stories your parents told you—they ate your milk and cookies.

I’ll be brave enough to tell you what 15-second reels set to Sabrina Carpenter’s “Espresso” won’t: Self-love is hard. It’s uncomfortable. It can be grueling but it is also incredibly empowering.

We are about a month into the new year: The 24 x 36-inch vision boards are prominently displayed on our bedroom walls, and the 2025 goals are neatly categorized in our Notes App. If I am correct (and I tend to be sometimes), many of us have set some kind of fitness goal for the year. Lose 10lbs. Lose 2-3 inches. Back squat 225lbs. Do a standard push up. Complete 10 pull-ups in a row. Clear a 48inch box. Join a group fitness class. Run a 10K or an obstacle course. Improve flexibility. Eat more greens. Reduce processed food intake. Dry January (maybe February and March?). Increase daily steps to 12,000 (more power to you here!). [And what better way to show yourself love than through fitness—celebrating the body that enables you to do so much?]

The thing though is that these goals won’t achieve themselves. And the biggest lie you’ll tell yourself is that the effort it takes to reach them feels as good as boarding a lay-flat window seat to Singapore or handing your American Express Reserve to the associate as she delicately wraps that Parfums De Marly bottle you’ve been eyeing since summer 2024.

The devil is in the details (read: execution). The work required to reach that fitness goal will likely be outside your comfort zone. Most of the time, it’s neither exciting nor instantly gratifying. Dragging yourself to that strength training class at 5am or 7pm? 0 stars – do not recommend. I know you don’t feel pampered when you get on that reformer, as your evil instructor begins her torturous reign for the next hour. Choosing protein over sticky toffee bread is insanity. It’s discipline over self-indulgence; it’s pushing through your emotions rather than avoiding or numbing them with distractions.

The second half of last year was especially tough for me. Balancing an overwhelming workload with life’s everyday tasks had me questioning how I ever thought my time management skills were above average. (And I don’t even have a partner, kids, or a pet? I’m slightly panicking just imagining what life would be like if I did!). As my workdays stretched even longer, I found it harder to stay consistent with my workouts. It would’ve been easy to convince myself to skip them entirely (“you deserve it,” “it’s self-care,” “listen to your body”) while focusing on other responsibilities. Instead, I listened to my body (which is important!) when it told me that a good sweat session would help me clear my head and better tackle the day. I made a point to go to bed earlier, cutting out late-night scrolling or chats (note that I was not always successful), so I could get the rest I needed (this is what setting boundaries, another form of self-care, looks like). I also scaled back the frequency of my workouts, knowing that, for the time being, I needed to prioritize some critical deadlines.

That’s what self-love is—challenging yourself, yet also giving yourself the care you deserve. It’s about knowing when to say yes and when to say no. It’s telling yourself when you need to push harder, but also knowing when to give yourself a break. It’s waking up at dawn for a workout because it fits your schedule, and then winding down at night for a restful sleep. It’s remonstration, but it’s also affirmation. It’s a tough, accountable, consistent, and honest kind of love.

I love myself, so I’ll do what’s best for my body.
I love myself, so I’ll make the tough choices that will pay off in the long run (hopefully sooner, though!).

So, in this month of love, my dear reader, I encourage you to choose to love yourself in the most rewarding way possible. Remember, you are capable of doing hard things because you are worthy of achieving your goals and surpassing your own expectations.

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Guest Contributor: Rexie is the founder of 3to30Fitness, a fitness lifestyle brand with a message to teach and encourage women to lead healthy, active and rewarding lives. Her self-care routine includes breaking a sweat at the gym, pampering her face with facials (on a never-ending quest for poreless skin), eating her way through every new restaurant in town, memorizing affirmations and Bible verses, and escaping to new places—whether it’s a far-off country or just the next zip code.

Keep up with Rexie: Instagram: @3to30fitness_